Single Black Female, Addicted to Retail

Guilty as charged. Last week I think I truly lost my mind. I spent nearly everyday online shopping and racked up quite a number of debit and paypal transactions in my attempts to prepare for the Spring and pending Summer seasons. I needed this or that, as I told myself- and the list kept growing until as always, I was totally spent. With every click to add something to my shopping cart, I rationalized "Oh, you definitely NEED this girl. This is EXACTLY what you've been looking for." There was a time when this behavior was slightly rationalizable. As a college student, I would spend my very last dime with the assurance that if worse came to worse, I'd just sneak into the cafeteria for my next meal. But now that I am a "real" adult- it boggles my mind that I keep up this foolishness. I work so hard for my little money all day at a job that doesn't make me happy and still I put no more value on the dollar. What is wrong with me?

I've had this problem for quite sometime. I could never keep my funds to myself- Im just too much of a giver (lol).  Though I am a fan of the finer things in life, I am a STAN for a good sale. Its like I cant say no. Where is the switch in my brain that controls my desire to rid myself of every hard earned penny I make, because I need to turn it OFF. I go to my online bank account and open my eyes slowly to view my account balance. As the screen loads, I start counting to myself "I couldn't have spent that much-- I bet I have about $--- in there." I say a small prayer to the banking gods. The number appears and laughs hysterically at my foolish heart. Money burning a hole in my pocket is an understatement.


Dont get me wrong- I save. However, even though I realise my freedom lies in my financial security, for some reason I havent been able to translate that into bankable habits. I look at my peers who have purchased homes, met their savings goals, and invested in lucrative assets with great admiration. Yet my admiration has yet to translate into action. While I have put myself on a budget in anticipation of some upcoming expenses and have refused to give Bank of America another dime in overdraft fees, I know that I can do MUCH better.

I'm not sure if my compulsive behavior is reflective of some deep rooted childhood psychological trauma, like those people on Hoarders or if I'm just a little bit (lotta bit) hood rich. I do know that I can't be the only one struggling with this. Since I've decided that 2010 is all about following my dreams, I necessarily have to get my pocketbook in check in order to realise these goals. So in an effort to put a down payment on my dreams, I am taking a pledge to show my bank account a little more respect.

In the meantime, my favorite store is having a 72-hour online sale. Hey, cut me some slack! I'm a recovering addict.