Going the Distance: The Rules of Engagement

Finding someone to share right now with (and maybe even forever) is a beautiful thing. Yes, I still believe in love and I pride myself on truly being YBL's(young black love's) biggest stan. As anyone who has ever been in love will tell you, having someone special to share your happiest moments- big and small- is really a remarkable thing. But, anyone who has ever loved someone within a serious relationship will tell you that it is not all chocolate hearts and gumdrop wishes. It is hard work! The labor of love is not for the meek at heart- sometimes we have to go in hands wrapped, gloves on, and ready for the battle of the century. Add a little distance into the equation and you will really find out what you are truly made of.

Some people believe that going long distance is the ultimate test; That if your love is real it will conquer all and that your relationship will come out better than it went in, if it is meant to be. I am hear to tell you that those famous longings were definitely made popular by someone who has never spent one day in an actual long distance relationship. There is some truth to the general idea, but the reality is that it really doesn't matter how real or strong or true your love is- long distance is not for everybody.

Some people can just navigate it better than others, no matter how strong or fragile the love is, its really as simple as that. Don't get me wrong, long distance can definitely show you the true colors and commitment of others, as well as help you to quickly get out of a situation that was going nowhere slowly. But the truth is that if you two fail at long distance, it doesn't necessarily mean that you two failed at love. Going long distance is simply a circumstance that is an ill-conceived measure for how deep your love truly is. A better measure of your commitment can be scaled by how quickly and intently you two work towards getting back to the same locale. Or how you are able to make decisions and sacrifices that bring you closer to the same goal, is an even better evaluation. Sometimes its just not the right time for either of you. Being strong enough to admit that, though often painful, should be duly acknowledged as well.

As a long distance vet (nearly 2 years), I will tell you that the rules of engagement in long distance love are absolutely different from those in traditional relationships.While some of the same expectations apply, the implementation can be wholly different. Some of these changes we can deal with, others pose a significant challenge. But in order to survive the miles, we have to agree to accept things as they are and continue to believe deeply in the possibility of things as we would like them to be. That's really what gets you through. Long Distance is a supreme act of faith and trust- and if you are in it to win it, compromise is key.

Check back for more updates on Going the Distance and hints about how to make it work. Stay posted for my next entry, Going the Distance: You didn't Come Home Last Night.
*photo courtesy of iStockPhoto