H.A.T.E.U.

Going through a tough break up can really try your personal resolve in ways you may have never imagined. Depending on the number of years invested, the transgression committed, or even the realization that the two of you just aren't going to work, can be a tough bite to swallow. No one likes feeling like they have failed- no one. There are so many emotions you go through in those first few weeks or months when you are newly released. The grieving process truly applies here like no other. Sometimes we are ready, so the steps are quick. In that instance, we are so OVER that individual, that we don't even realise we have gone through all of the different phases- its straight up "On-to-the-next...". Other times we are so broken, we can distinctly feel every single step of the way: the Denial and Isolation, the Anger, the Bargaining, the Depression, and then finally the breakthrough when we get to Acceptance.

If any one feels you, boo, I feel you. I had a tough break up a few years back- so tough I never actually made it to the last and final phase, Acceptance (truly another story for another time). But I can remember transitioning in and around those first 4 phases over and over again for nearly a year. It was truly an emotional roller coaster: Not believing we had really failed at something I wanted so much, then mad at her, then him, and finally mad at myself. I played stupid games with myself through the bargaining process, "Im only going to call him once today", "Baby, I just want to be with you, whatever that means", "I've decided, we cant talk anymore" (then calling him the next day). Girl, I was a total mess- (just so you know, I've been giving myself a MAJOR side eye as I recall some of those all too familiar feelings and delusions.) I distinctly remember the depression- not getting out of bed, not applying myself, staying away from friends. Every sad song that came on the radio made me think of him and sent me reeling into a perpetual and confusing cycle of denial, depression, poor reasoning, and even begging! Thank the Lord for deliverance! But sometimes, a special song would come on that old faithful ipod, giving me a glimmer of hope- some R&B crooner saying they weren't gonna cry, they were through with love because ain't no feeling like being free, etc.-- which helped me to get a little closer to recovery. Mariah Carey's most recent album, Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel has one such song that you should DEFINITELY get familiar with no matter your current relationship status.




"I can't wait to hate you/ make you, pain like i do.. /still can't shake you off.. /I can't wait to break through these emotional changes.. /seems like such a loss cause /I can't wait to face you, break you, down so low /there's no place left to go../ I cant wait to hate you..."

H.A.T.E.U. (abbreviation for Having A Typical Emotional Upset), the third song on the album, focuses on the Anger phase of the recovery process. Though Mimi places H.A.T.ing him further towards the end of the grief cycle- the sentiment is truly SPOT ON. All we really want to do when we have been hurt or left or have lost someone is to get to that point where you really just don't give a damn anymore. Mariah suggests that if she could just get to the point where she hates him, that maybe she can finally move on, but as long as she cares in the way she currently does- she can never be free. Ms. Mimi Cannon truly delivers with this one. Have a listen, I'm sure if you've ever been there, you will absolutely relate.