Got Milk?

I've had several conversations as of late with a number of male friends who are disgusted with a phenomenon one so poinently coined "Wishful Thinking". According to these men, this is when women accept  a males low standard or set a low standard themselves for a relationship in the hopes of bagging the guy. Its the whole "if I do this, maybe he will like me."  This is not limited to sex, although this is cheifly where the divide exists. It usually involves a woman being intimate early in the relationship and later trying to establish a more substantive exchange after realising she cant live with the low standard she previously accepted. Rather than commanding (note: this is different from demanding) respect in the beginning, these women pigeon hole themselves and later ask for respect. Wishful Thinking? absolutely.

"People always revert to 'why would I buy the cow if I can get the milk for free' but thats not it. I was never going to buy the cow. There is milk in abundance. Yours isnt special, really, its just available. If I want to buy a cow I go shopping for a quality cow. If i want milk- I just wait for some to pop up" - anonymous Male Contributor

Though harsh, it appears that this senitment reflects the thoughts of many men these days. Just so you know, this isnt the sentiment of some self-proclaimed player or a guy who is known for dogging girls out. No, these men run the gammet from Player Extrordinaire to Mr. Nice Guy himself. And ladies do we blame them? I was always told, if someone shows you who they are, believe them. And so that is exactly what guys do. But instead of being who we are- we play the wrong game, allow more than we would prefer, and get off into relationships under many false pretences we are later unable to live with.

I say instead, just be yourself, whoever you are. If you're a keeper- be that. If you're a jump- own it girl! Be that from the beginning and  dont change up becuase you think it will make him "wife it". Of course, setting a standard goes far beyond when, where, or if you two first become intimate. It starts from the first moment he saw you. Your presentation from your dress to your speech determines exactly how and why a man will try you.
"But how can I tell a true carnivore from the milkman?" Im so glad you asked. The signs are always abundantly clear, if we want to see them. Its the difference between 'When can I take you out' and 'When can I come over.'

The painful truth is that if you are in a situation now, where you are unhappy about the terms of the agreement, you dont have to accept them. You can leave. But you will be hard pressed to stay in the hopes of reviewing and revamping your original contract. My advice: Start fresh. Go into every situation eyes wide open knowing that once the standard is set- it is very hard to transition into, out of, or around the established parameters. Lay off the wishful thinking and go for the real thing girl.  Whether you are the potential girlfriend or the perpetual Jump-Off, know the role you invision yourself in and play it from the beginning. If you're just looking for a little fun, by all means have your fun. But if you're looking for something more serious, let your energy reflect that. I say, dont try to milk the deal- stick to the contract and play your role like you're playing for keeps.