Ode to Mr. Can I Have Yo Numba

At this age we have all encountered you once, at least once. You know who you are, that one man who only has one goal and objective as soon as you lay eyes on a woman or her goodies, getting her number by ANY means NECESSARY.You are so intently focused that my name and relationship status are only trivial back story. You come in many shapes, sizes and colors and make it a point to be wherever beautiful women spend time. You're not a bad person, (in most cases) your approach is just so short sighted and ill-informed that a woman can't even zero in on the good stuff. One might ask, if you've been shot down so many times, why does your foolywang persist? The answer is simple, there are women out there who respond positively to your elementary school antics.

We were once young and dumb too -- lacking the good sense required to demand more respect than the meager serving your advances provided; so we quickly rattled off names, ages, and batted our eyes when you abrasively postured and presented your singular interest. However we have grown up- learned a few things- and you, we see, are still up to your same old shenanigans. We avoid eye contact and yet you still pursue. We act like we're reading and you say, "Are you busy?" We try to talk on the phone and you interrupt with, "Can I talk to you for a minute?" We're starting to think that we continue to run into you day in and day out because we've done something wrong. Maybe we haven't been crystal clear about what's wrong with your entire approach. So here are the 25 reasons why no, sir,  you may NOT have my number.

1. You greeted me with, "How old you is?"
2. You grabbed me.
3. I can see your underwear.
4. What yo name is?, is not a grammatically correct sentence.
5. Its 9 am and You smell of reefer.
6. You are ogling my goodies like swine at a meat market.
7. Your friend is ogling my goodies.
8. You yelled "Ay! Come meer"
9. You asked me, "How many kids you got?"
10. You're wearing a do rag, in public.
11. After I said no thanks, you tried to talk to my friend.
12. You said "Oh you's a college girl".
13. When I told you I went to Spelman, you then told me your brother went there too. *side eye*
14. You called me baby girl, sweet thang, and good looking all in the same breath. A simple excuse me will do.
15. I told you I had a man and you asked, "Can you have friends?"
16. I told you I had a man and you said, "shit, I got a girl."
17. Your breath smells like shit
18. You honked at me and drove behind me slowly. Stalker much?
19. You cursed me out after I didn't acknowledge your honking.
20. Your reputation precedes you.
21. I'm sorry, are those gold teeth?
22. You told me, baby girl- I can change yo life/upgrade you/ rule your world
23. When I told u I was good, u replied. "Oh yes, you are!"
24. Your profile is featured on dontdatehim.com

25. After saying hello you immediately said, CAN I HAVE YOUR NUMBER! No!

*Bonus*

26. You asked via Facebook message, and I don't even know you.

Love,
Love's Lyric and Holly GoLightly

Did we miss anything? Comment below with your additions to the list!