As an avid vintage and thrift store shopper, I realize the potential left in things that have been discarded. Every season, I create a giveaway and a throw away bin. Items in the giveaway bin are things that are still in great condition, they just no longer fit my style or my body. Items in the throw away bin are quite different, these items have no doubt seen their best days, and now those days are far behind them. These items have nothing left to give me so they must be given to the garbage. People in our lives can be put in the same categories with one addition, the 'keep forever bin', simply called keepers. Some friends are around forever, and you may recognize this as soon as you meet or a month or even a year down the line, but the fact is, this person isn't going anywhere. All family members fit into this category by default no matter how much you may wish you could give them away or, better yet, throw them away. But what about the people that end up in the giveaway and throw away bins? Do we still have claims on them?
People that fall into these areas usually do so for the same reasons as clothes. Some friends, boyfriends and boo thangs just do not make the cut; they just don't fit in with your life plan, and in some cases you're carelessness has caused them to jump in there themselves. These people, like clothes, may have worked for you at one time but they just don't anymore. Or maybe, they never worked but you kept hoping that one day they would. What do you do when one of your keepers and one of your discards lock eyes? That's right, your trash and your treasure have found value in each other, without you in the middle. I know it's an unwritten rule that under no circumstances do you date your friend's exes; when they're done with them, you're supposed to be done with them too. However, I think this rule is actually antiquated and extremely flawed.
Yes, Im talking to you. You that's rolling over the top of my jeans, making my feet to big to fit into my favorite shoes, and demolishing the seams in my Get'Em girl dress. I say no to bread and butter, you say "F- that, I like butter"(a la Wanda Sykes "Ester"). I try to eat healthy, you say "Hey this IS lowfat Ice cream". I tell you that Im changing my life and you've got to go, and just like my ex who keeps on calling, you keep calling me too....to the refridgerator. I really dont understand why you treat me like you do. I welcomed you with open arms everytime I took a bite of a cupcake or a honeybun- and here you are betraying me with every roll, bulge, and crater.
Guilty as charged. Last week I think I truly lost my mind. I spent nearly everyday online shopping and racked up quite a number of debit and paypal transactions in my attempts to prepare for the Spring and pending Summer seasons. I needed this or that, as I told myself- and the list kept growing until as always, I was totally spent. With every click to add something to my shopping cart, I rationalized "Oh, you definitely NEED this girl. This is EXACTLY what you've been looking for." There was a time when this behavior was slightly rationalizable. As a college student, I would spend my very last dime with the assurance that if worse came to worse, I'd just sneak into the cafeteria for my next meal. But now that I am a "real" adult- it boggles my mind that I keep up this foolishness. I work so hard for my little money all day at a job that doesn't make me happy and still I put no more value on the dollar. What is wrong with me?
I've had this problem for quite sometime. I could never keep my funds to myself- Im just too much of a giver (lol). Though I am a fan of the finer things in life, I am a STAN for a good sale. Its like I cant say no. Where is the switch in my brain that controls my desire to rid myself of every hard earned penny I make, because I need to turn it OFF. I go to my online bank account and open my eyes slowly to view my account balance. As the screen loads, I start counting to myself "I couldn't have spent that much-- I bet I have about $--- in there." I say a small prayer to the banking gods. The number appears and laughs hysterically at my foolish heart. Money burning a hole in my pocket is an understatement.
At this age we have all encountered you once, at least once. You know who you are, that one man who only has one goal and objective as soon as you lay eyes on a woman or her goodies, getting her number by ANY means NECESSARY.You are so intently focused that my name and relationship status are only trivial back story. You come in many shapes, sizes and colors and make it a point to be wherever beautiful women spend time. You're not a bad person, (in most cases) your approach is just so short sighted and ill-informed that a woman can't even zero in on the good stuff. One might ask, if you've been shot down so many times, why does your foolywang persist? The answer is simple, there are women out there who respond positively to your elementary school antics.
We were once young and dumb too -- lacking the good sense required to demand more respect than the meager serving your advances provided; so we quickly rattled off names, ages, and batted our eyes when you abrasively postured and presented your singular interest. However we have grown up- learned a few things- and you, we see, are still up to your same old shenanigans. We avoid eye contact and yet you still pursue. We act like we're reading and you say, "Are you busy?" We try to talk on the phone and you interrupt with, "Can I talk to you for a minute?" We're starting to think that we continue to run into you day in and day out because we've done something wrong. Maybe we haven't been crystal clear about what's wrong with your entire approach. So here are the 25 reasons why no, sir, you may NOT have my number.
1. You greeted me with, "How old you is?"
2. You grabbed me.
3. I can see your underwear.
4. What yo name is?, is not a grammatically correct sentence.
5. Its 9 am and You smell of reefer.
6. You are ogling my goodies like swine at a meat market.
7. Your friend is ogling my goodies.
8. You yelled "Ay! Come meer"
9. You asked me, "How many kids you got?"
10. You're wearing a do rag, in public.
11. After I said no thanks, you tried to talk to my friend.
12. You said "Oh you's a college girl".
13. When I told you I went to Spelman, you then told me your brother went there too. *side eye*
14. You called me baby girl, sweet thang, and good looking all in the same breath. A simple excuse me will do.
15. I told you I had a man and you asked, "Can you have friends?"
16. I told you I had a man and you said, "shit, I got a girl."
17. Your breath smells like shit
18. You honked at me and drove behind me slowly. Stalker much?
19. You cursed me out after I didn't acknowledge your honking.
20. Your reputation precedes you.
21. I'm sorry, are those gold teeth?
22. You told me, baby girl- I can change yo life/upgrade you/ rule your world
23. When I told u I was good, u replied. "Oh yes, you are!"
24. Your profile is featured on dontdatehim.com
25. After saying hello you immediately said, CAN I HAVE YOUR NUMBER! No!
*Bonus*
26. You asked via Facebook message, and I don't even know you.
Love,
Love's Lyric and Holly GoLightly
Did we miss anything? Comment below with your additions to the list!
A few weeks ago I picked my little cousin up from school, this simple task always serves as a lesson in patience and successfully navigating the moods swings of an eight year old know-it-all. On this particular day, he excitedly jumped in the truck with a huge smile on his face. Used to being greeted with a scowl and an eye roll, I immediately questioned the obvious deviation from the norm. He responded by promptly pulling a folded piece of paper from his pocket.
Opening up the piece of paper was like a reading a sign welcoming me back to my childhood. The note read, "Do you like me?" with three response options, "yes," "no," and "as a friend". As I read the note (not concerning myself with the response) I flashed back to the days when I kissed cute tadpoles instead of getting headaches from slimey bullfrogs. When I finally emerged from my flash back with the kind of pleased smirk parents have as their kids open presents on Christmas morning, I was bombarded with questions. By the way the object of my little cousin's affection checked the "as a friend" box. Blake wanted to know, "What do girls like?" "How do you make them like you?" and "Can I get Kailey a present?". Not prepared to answer such questions on an eight year old level, I took a second to think. The answers were simple, "Girls like you to be nice to them." "You can make a girl like you by being nice and giving them compliments" and "No you can't get her a present, you're too young for all that".
After getting Blake to his house, I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about all the tadpoles that made my elementary and middle school years memorable (and at times slightly miserable ). I had some pretty stellar tadpoles back in the day, definitely worth their weight in Jolly Ranchers and Now & Laters. Being an adult, in a much bigger pond with frogs more complicated than all my tadpoles combined makes me miss the days when I kissed tadpoles out of curiosity and the most difficult decision on any given Monday morning was choosing the perfect ensemble.
Who was the star tadpole or little "princess" of your youth?
You have a perfectly good relationship. Everything appears to be going in the right direction. He is considerate. You are attentive. You share many special moments. And then the unthinkable happens. He doesnt come home.
Thinking about this my mind automatically goes to a scene in Chris Rock's movie "I Think I Love My Wife", where he stays out all night partying with another woman. Chris returns home to find his wife sitting on the hallway steps. The normally mild mannered teacher, wife, and mother asks Chris with a straight face the exact question that would run through my head "Where the F*ck were you!?!?"
For some people, this kind of offense can be a deal breaker. When you are in a relationship in the same city, where you have grown accustomed to certain occurrences- deviation from those habits can reek havoc in your relationship. Whether you live together or spend most of your nights in your own respective units- the action of not coming home from a night of fun or simply not showing up as scheduled AND without notice- is offensive more in message than in action. Simply not showing up signals to women a blatant disregard for our feelings and a blatant disrespect for our relationship.
One of the best ways to find out what like-minded individuals do in a new city is to find some like-minds. I began my hunt for places to go and people to meet there searching for groups and organizations geared toward the young professionals in my city. The local chapter of my alma mater's alumna association and Google were the first places I began my search. Most Colleges and Universities have local chapters of their alumni association and or booster groups that can be easily accessed through the school's website or with a phone call to the school's Office of Alumni Affairs.
After obtaining an email address for the local chapter of the alumna association, I reached out with a friendly but brief email stating my graduation year and that I was new to the area and would like to get involved. I hope you have more luck with this option than I did, because after a couple emails to the local chapter and one to a neighboring chapter within a few months time and an email to the Office of Alumnae Affairs I have yet to link up with or receive a return email for my fellow alum. *side eye* (Note: I wont mention the name of my beloved alma mater as I refuse to besmirch her good name.)
My Google search for 'Young Professionals-Orlando' yielded a number of promising leads and one gem I thought would be a real winner, Metropolitan Orlando Urban League Young Professionals (MOULYP). The Urban League Young Professionals functions within the Urban League Guild and can be found in a city near you with 100 affiliates nationwide. Geared toward young professionals ages 21-40, there are lots of people to interact with and learn from. The National ULYP initiatives include Economic Empowerment, Education & Youth Empowerment, Civic Engagement & Leadership Empowerment, Health & Quality of Life Empowerment and Civil Rights & Racial Justice Empowerment. These initiatives are fulfilled through the membership body and local communities.
I've had several conversations as of late with a number of male friends who are disgusted with a phenomenon one so poinently coined "Wishful Thinking". According to these men, this is when women accept a males low standard or set a low standard themselves for a relationship in the hopes of bagging the guy. Its the whole "if I do this, maybe he will like me." This is not limited to sex, although this is cheifly where the divide exists. It usually involves a woman being intimate early in the relationship and later trying to establish a more substantive exchange after realising she cant live with the low standard she previously accepted. Rather than commanding (note: this is different from demanding) respect in the beginning, these women pigeon hole themselves and later ask for respect. Wishful Thinking? absolutely.
"People always revert to 'why would I buy the cow if I can get the milk for free' but thats not it. I was never going to buy the cow. There is milk in abundance. Yours isnt special, really, its just available. If I want to buy a cow I go shopping for a quality cow. If i want milk- I just wait for some to pop up" - anonymous Male Contributor
The older I get (eek!), the more I have come to realise that with every door that is closed, another will be opened. We all have to go through dark places, do some things we thought we wouldn't, and make some tough decisions that all work toward our greater progress. When I decided 2010 was all about following my heart, I guess I didn't know that that would mean making a lot of hard choices. I kind of envisioned it as an adoption of a more "go with the flow" attitude that would lead me closer to realising my hearts desires. Instead, I have come to realize that following my heart has been one of the HARDEST things Ive ever done. Ive kissed a lot of frogs, both professional and personal- but I now know that this comes with the territory.
I stay inspired by talking with mentors and family and through my faith. Even more, my peers keep showing up and showing out in this world, symbolizing to me that my dreams can too come true with a little elbow grease and prayer.
Finding someone to share right now with (and maybe even forever) is a beautiful thing. Yes, I still believe in love and I pride myself on truly being YBL's(young black love's) biggest stan. As anyone who has ever been in love will tell you, having someone special to share your happiest moments- big and small- is really a remarkable thing. But, anyone who has ever loved someone within a serious relationship will tell you that it is not all chocolate hearts and gumdrop wishes. It is hard work! The labor of love is not for the meek at heart- sometimes we have to go in hands wrapped, gloves on, and ready for the battle of the century. Add a little distance into the equation and you will really find out what you are truly made of.
Some people believe that going long distance is the ultimate test; That if your love is real it will conquer all and that your relationship will come out better than it went in, if it is meant to be. I am hear to tell you that those famous longings were definitely made popular by someone who has never spent one day in an actual long distance relationship. There is some truth to the general idea, but the reality is that it really doesn't matter how real or strong or true your love is- long distance is not for everybody.
My grandmother always told me that no matter how much we had, I should always leave the house looking my best. She put a lot of value on presentation and though I have grown to learn that indeed you can not just dress a wolf in sheep's clothing, I have come to value the fine art of dressing for the occasion. I by no means want this to come off as some bourgeoisie tyrade regarding some elistist philosphy on appropriate attire. HOWEVER, it continues to be brought to my attention that dressing for the occasion is still not as common sense as I would like it to be- especially for our young women. I offer this rule of thumb as it was offered to me: Most often, there are 3 distinct occasions we dress for, with some gray areas and outliers. They are the three C's:Church, Club, and Casual.
While enjoying a perfectly uneventful Saturday with my iTunes on shuffle, one of my favorites, Jazmine Sullivan's 'In Love with Another Man' began to play. Intently listening to each lyric, my mind was flooded with thoughts and questions never before invoked by the song. Romantic comedies, romance novels, self help books and even this blog often encourage us to leap into the unknown and experience something new. What do you do when you're totally content being in the muddy pond in which you currently rest? Should you quit the job that makes you totally miserable even though the paycheck it provides allows you to do all the other things that make you ecstatic? And let's not forget about the man or woman in your life that does the very least and probably doesn't appreciate the things that make you totally fantastic, but you couldn't imagine life without him/her; are you really going to leave? If I lead you to believe I had the answer to any of these questions, I'm sorry to disappoint.
Throughout the song Jazmine makes comparisons between the man she is singing to and the man she is choosing instead of him. Judging by the lyrics the loser in the fight for her heart is apparently a really great guy with a lot going for him. Ironically, the victor is indeed a loser; he's mean, doesn't really have things together in the life department, and the listener can assume he doesn't treat the woman who loves him very well. Upon first listen anyone in their right mind would say Sullivan is undoubtedly trippin', HARD. However, if one truly listens, she acknowledges that her decision may be confusing to the "loser and others," she can not help it; she is crazy for, crazy about and crazy in love with a man who the world, and even she at times sees as a bum.
It goes without saying that there are many things to enjoy about being in a committed relationship. We all know what those things are: affection, companionship...BLAHBLAHBLAH! But of course, there are some things that aren't as appealing. From navigating the murky waters of commitment to the actual process of learning to love efficiently- there are many things that can make relationships less than desirable. Lets talk about one, something I like to call "The Boyfriend Curse."
The Boyfriend Curse- advernoun; a dysfunction in social interaction usually indicated by some single males aversion to platonic interaction with taken ladies or women otherwise uninterested in sleeping with them.
OPI presents its Hong Kong themed Spring 2010 nail lacquers
OPI recently debuted their spring color collection and I must admit...I'M OBSESSED. The Hong Kong collection offers something for everyone with sheer tones, vibrant brights and deep hues. The weather might still be a little chilly but your hands will definitely look h-o-t! While I haven't picked up the entire collection I do have a few favorites. I've been wearing 'Jade is the New Black' for at least the past three weeks; I'll be breaking out 'Pearl of Wisdom' just in time for Easter Sunday and 'Hot & Spicy' is reserved for the first Saturday its warm enough to hit the beach. Take a look at the full collection below, I'm sure you'll find a color...or four to love.
From top left: Lucky Lucky Lavender, Jade is the New Black, Dim Sum Plum, Bling Dynasty, Hot & Spicy, Meet Me on the Star Ferry, A Good Man-darin is Hard to Find, Pearl of Wisdom, Suzisays Feng Shui, Chop Sticking to My Story, Panda-monium Pink, Red my Fortune Cookie
Several years ago, I went to a baby shower where they played "Whats in Mommy's Purse". For those unfamiliar, they gave a list of items that might (or might not) be found in the purse of a mommy. This list included the usual: gum, safety pins, and tissue and went on to include some not so common items, such as a curling iron, utility bill, and scissors. Each woman racked up points by creating a pile of items from their purse based on the checklist. I laughed at the woman who won thinking, "Wow, I think there is such a thing as being overprepared." A little women's college in Atlanta taught me that in fact, there is no such thing.
Of course, we cant go trekking the landscapes with everything AND the kitchen sink in our beautiful bags. Furthermore, I know we are all sick of seeing that tired sister with the "leather" bag far past its useful years, stretched to the brink with trash and unmentionables. I too, have been guilty of making some of my best bags, trash cans for loose paper, gum wrappers and the like. To help you out, I have come up with a list of essentials that will take the contents of any frog kisser and catcher's bag from trashy to efficient on your journey to far far away.
Going through a tough break up can really try your personal resolve in ways you may have never imagined. Depending on the number of years invested, the transgression committed, or even the realization that the two of you just aren't going to work, can be a tough bite to swallow. No one likes feeling like they have failed- no one. There are so many emotions you go through in those first few weeks or months when you are newly released. The grieving process truly applies here like no other. Sometimes we are ready, so the steps are quick. In that instance, we are so OVER that individual, that we don't even realise we have gone through all of the different phases- its straight up "On-to-the-next...". Other times we are so broken, we can distinctly feel every single step of the way: the Denial and Isolation, the Anger, the Bargaining, the Depression, and then finally the breakthrough when we get to Acceptance.
If any one feels you, boo, I feel you. I had a tough break up a few years back- so tough I never actually made it to the last and final phase, Acceptance (truly another story for another time). But I can remember transitioning in and around those first 4 phases over and over again for nearly a year. It was truly an emotional roller coaster: Not believing we had really failed at something I wanted so much, then mad at her, then him, and finally mad at myself. I played stupid games with myself through the bargaining process, "Im only going to call him once today", "Baby, I just want to be with you, whatever that means", "I've decided, we cant talk anymore" (then calling him the next day). Girl, I was a total mess- (just so you know, I've been giving myself a MAJOR side eye as I recall some of those all too familiar feelings and delusions.) I distinctly remember the depression- not getting out of bed, not applying myself, staying away from friends. Every sad song that came on the radio made me think of him and sent me reeling into a perpetual and confusing cycle of denial, depression, poor reasoning, and even begging! Thank the Lord for deliverance! But sometimes, a special song would come on that old faithful ipod, giving me a glimmer of hope- some R&B crooner saying they weren't gonna cry, they were through with love because ain't no feeling like being free, etc.-- which helped me to get a little closer to recovery. Mariah Carey's most recent album, Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel has one such song that you should DEFINITELY get familiar with no matter your current relationship status.
"I can't wait to hate you/ make you, pain like i do.. /still can't shake you off.. /I can't wait to break through these emotional changes.. /seems like such a loss cause /I can't wait to face you, break you, down so low /there's no place left to go../ I cant wait to hate you..."
H.A.T.E.U. (abbreviation for Having A Typical Emotional Upset), the third song on the album, focuses on the Anger phase of the recovery process. Though Mimi places H.A.T.ing him further towards the end of the grief cycle- the sentiment is truly SPOT ON. All we really want to do when we have been hurt or left or have lost someone is to get to that point where you really just don't give a damn anymore. Mariah suggests that if she could just get to the point where she hates him, that maybe she can finally move on, but as long as she cares in the way she currently does- she can never be free. Ms. Mimi Cannon truly delivers with this one. Have a listen, I'm sure if you've ever been there, you will absolutely relate.
For the last nine months I have been living, working and adjusting to life in Orlando with more than a little difficulty. Working for a small marketing agency provides me lots of opportunities for growth, advancement and travel. While I thoroughly enjoy life on the road, it can make life at home its own special brand of hell. From day one I was bombarded with a heavy travel schedule including lots of time in the city I previously called home, Atlanta. This said, I never took the time to tap into life in Orlando and now It has become a real problem. Now that my travel schedule has slowed down and work hours are confined to the weekdays (for a while) I find myself bored and lacking local acquaintances.
The sensible level-headed side of me says, "okay, Holly just go out and meet some people". [side note: It's a shame that this rational person only exists in my head and never translates into real life.] My immediate rebuttal is always "BY MYSELF?!?!" This constant back and forth with myself about venturing out alone led me to the very obvious question...Why do women travel in packs? No seriously, why do we feel like we must activate the buddy system in 95.5% of life's situations while men more often than not have NO problem going out alone? It's nothing to see a guy alone at a bar, club or any social environment, seeing a woman do this is an anomaly and we are even labeled such things as desperate, a free shot and dare I say cougar.
I would venture to say it has everything to do with the way we are socialized. Little girls are taught the 'safety in numbers' mantra while men are taught...? As an adolescent/teenager it was so much easier to get my mother to agree to anything I was proposing as long as I added a few familiar names/faces to the equation. So what started out as a successful bargaining tactic has become a crutch in my twenties. How do we get over what I like to refer to as the "homegirl crutch"? How do I unlearn a coping mechanism it has taken almost two decades to perfect? Living sans my "homegirl crutches" (yes I have more than one) has led to some critical self discovery. I've always thought of myself as such an outgoing person, but without my homegirl crutch I am in fact shy and dare I say...timid. To compare myself with my crutches to myself without my homegirls would be like comparing a super hero to a mere mortal. I quake at the sight "Super" Holly's shadow.
The challenge now is to regain all the things I love about "Super" Holly without the presence of my lovely "homegirl crutches". I'm pretty sure this is much easier said than done but I'm going to give it a try anyway. Step One: Identifying good places to go or events that pique my interest. Keep an eye open for my adventures in living without my "homegirl crutches" in the series entitled "Lily Pad Party of One?"
All of us have been drinking the koolaid that told us that life was relatively simple: go to college, get a job, be happy. Nobody told us that the "get the job" part would be a perpetual whirlwind of heart wrenching decision making, leaps of faith, failure, victories, and maybe a little teenny bit of fulfillment (if you are lucky). Personally, I had it all planned out. For the recent graduates I know you can relate. For the soon-to-be freed students, BEWARE!
Like many of us, I went to a good school and then another good school and got a smart job and starting settling into the to and fro of life as a young professional. I can remember as a teen saying I'd never be a person who worked a job that I hated and that I'd be strong enough to always follow my dreams. The truth is that a chick's got bills, and as time continues to teach me, adulthood is less and less the cake walk of freedom and goodies I expected. So I settled into a job that I quickly realized didn't fulfill me and tried my best to be a good employee. The fact is that at some point we all have to make the tough choices that often accompany following your heart. The thought is actually quite interesting in and of itself. To follow your heart you must relinquish some sense of security. To follow, one definition states, is the act of accepting the guidance, command, or the leadership of someone or something, such as the heart. So I decided to do just that, and quickly realized that when God is leading you in a certain direction doors unimagined will open up (I got a praise somebody). Here are some helpful hints if you are contemplating a career move:
1. Make a list of all the things you want in your new position. Having clarity will help u better channel your energy and attention towards an opportunity that really meet your needs. Once u know what those needs are you are much more equipped to have them met.
2. Leave no rock unturned. Explore the many possibilities of your new or future industry. Have some investigational interviews with successful people in your field, preferably someone older who can give a better perspective on the many facets of your industry. As some of you may not know- there is so much more to education than teaching and even more to Finance than Wall Street. Do your homework
3. Take a chance. Sometimes we aren't so sure we know what we have wished for, when it appears to us and the possibilities of venturing into the unknown can be all too much. Remember that, this is what u wanted- so when the opportunity arises be open to the possibilities. Get poised on that old lily pad of yesteryear and take a bold leap into your future. With preparation and faith, you will not regret it.
For the girlfriends and boyfriends out there (and everyone in between): there are many things that I have learned over the years, and through the ups and downs of being in a relationship with another highly independent person. Many of the things I've learned center on my own growth and what I bring to companionship with another individual. Even more, I've learned that it cannot be said enough that in order for you to be the best you can in a relationship with another person, you really need to have gotten some things hammered out to be the best you can in your first relationship, the one you have with yourself.
Go with me for a moment. The person with the most invested and the least amount of personal independence is always the most vulnerable in a relationship. If god forbid things don't work out with you and "the one", how devastated will you be not so much because of love lost, but because you don't have a life without the person? And honestly if you're not married ( and maybe if you are) and you don't have a life in addition to that person(not to be confused with a double life) you may just have already lost yourself. I don't know about men, but for women we're so predisposed to falling into this "trap" because of our nuturing nature-- but true to form I come with that yesteryear/ new age perspective that says, we can very much do and be both of these-- nuture the other person while also preserving ourselves.
Sometimes as boyfriends and girlfriends we invest so much into others that we begin to loose ourselves, we forget what it was that made us happy before we met the other person-- the kinds of things we did to fill our time as single people. Often it becomes all about the other person and we link our own happiness so closely to another that we forget how to be happy all by our damn selves. Honestly, this is something I struggle with regularly. Now don't get me wrong. As a self proclaimed ride-or-die chick, I'm all about you doing and giving your best self to your relationship and your significant other, but what I continue to learn is that in my relationship with a driven, focused, and independent individual who has a life- I am always more attractive when I have a life as well.
Do you feel like you're always calling the other person, that they are always busy, and don't have enough time for you? Have you considered that if you did something to make u happy, you might not even notice the dearth of activity in your inbox or call log? This is not to say that it is not critical that you and your significant other prioritize each other and put your best energy into your relationship, but it is to say that you are still two individuals who have CHOSEN to be joined together BUT that YOU still exist in all of YOUR splendor. Start something to keep and make u a better person- join a book club, start a blog ;), volunteer. Believe me, Destiny's Child (RIP) said it best in the Writings on the Wall: thumbs down to the bug-a-boo. It doesn't make you happy, and being a bug DEFINITELY doesn't help you grow. In reality that significant other should really be helping you find your best self. So see that extra space as an opportunity to take some time for you.
So Ladies and Gentlemen, I urge you for the longevity of your relationships; don't forget about yourself when you partner with another person. Of course don't just take your lady or man for granted, the truth is, they may not always be there. By all means, let them know you are thinking about them and care. But if you find yourself always trying to get a hold of somebody who seems just to busy with all their business, it might mean u need to get some business of your own. I promise that when you do, you will notice the difference immediately. I know for a fact that all the good men I know are looking for that lady who has her own- and this doesn't have to mean total financial security, a car, a house, etc. Its very much about having passion and focus of your own. Let's not confuse this with what Lil Boosie talked about in his song. The independence I'm talking about is definitely the new sexy. And its always the best look on me.
As yet another Valentine’s Day has come and gone; I have been able to draw one simple but very important conclusion, I might even venture to call this conclusion life changing. Before I change your life, I have to give you a little back story; at the age of 23 I have never had a romantic Valentine. In my younger years I wore black on what I believed to be a cursed holiday for me. I was so hung up on the fact that I didn’t have that special man friend to share “the most romantic day of the year” with that I missed out on all the possibilities. I did not allow this same pattern to follow me into my college years and beyond. For at least the past six years I have been following the mantra of the ever so popular Real World New Orleans cast member Julie, “You don’t have to be in love on Valentines Day, you just have to have love”. Julie got the big picture, unlike me in years past and some friends and peers currently.
While anyone who is special to me will tell you, I tell them how much I love and appreciate them way too much, Valentines Day provides each of us with the opportunity to celebrate all the love we have rather than that small bit of love we think we're missing. Now I won’t play like I wouldn’t love to have a special guy to spend V-day with, but not having said special guy is not going to ruin my life or even February 14th. Every year I embrace all the love I'm blessed to have in my life by making sure to have a wonderful day with one of the many special people in my life, and it is always a memorable event. In the past six years I’ve cooked dinner had movie night with my mother and little sister, seen a play with good friends, played Valentine to a friend dealing with a difficult break up and spent the evening with a very special “Fall Boo”. None of these activities had any romantic undertones, but were excellent experiences nonetheless.
Ladies and gentleman, if you spent Valentine’s Day 2010 alone or called yourself boycotting or sad under a rock…shake it off! You have an entire year to get on the" give love when not IN love bandwagon". We reap what we sow, if we want to feel loved and receive love we must first learn to spread a little. You won't find me on my lily pad watching life and love pass me by; I'm in the game and enjoying almost every minute!
