About 45 days ago I embarked on a journey that came to an end yesterday, Sunday, April 4th. I, the self-proclaimed social networking junkie kicked the habit. For the duration of Lent I relinquished the rights to my Facebook and Twitter accounts. This was not an easy task, especially in the midst of a 24th birthday in a new city and launching the blog, but I did it! It never occurred to me how involved I was in my social networking addictions until I let them go. It was way too easy for me to enthrall myself in the minute goings on of my friends throughout the world than to actually focus in on my current surroundings. As I delve back into social networking, I do so with a new perspective.
These tools work best when they are used to enhance our relationships, interactions and business, rather than becoming the sole means by which exist. While I was out of the loop, all of the people I look forward to communicating with daily used more traditional methods of communication to catch up on life and vise versa. While social networking tools like Facebook and Twitter make things way easier, I will admit I found great joy in hearing my phone ring with calls and text messages, but especially calls. It made me think about the years before the internet ruled the world and we had to actually call and visit the people we wanted to talk to. Now I find myself looking at my call log noting gaps of time without a single social call. How did we go from memorizing the numbers of our most frequently dialed contacts to barely reaching out for a voice on the other end of the line?
We text message, Facebook message, Facebook chat, tweet, direct message and anything else that helps us avoid voice to voice dialogue. No party is guiltier of this offense than the single dating population. Men don’t call anymore when they want to get to know a woman, and women have become so desensitized to this grievance that we have adopted the same avoidance tactics. They text so we text, never forcing the phone call for fear that we will make waves. Prince wrote this great song that became one of my favorites when Alicia Keys rerecorded it in the early 2000's. The song had a very simple message, 'if what we had was good, how come you don’t call me anymore'? These words have never rang truer than right now. I meet men that will appear very cool and engaged in during our initial meeting and then…he NEVER calls. He will definitely text message, he will ask for my Facebook information oh and for me to 'send [him] a pic' (side eye…& a post for a totally different day), but will neglect the actual phone call. It used to really piss me off, then I assimilated and started communicating in the same ways, and now like Jay-Z, I'm off that!
A guy can use these other forms of communication until the cows come home, but until he picks up that phone and dials my number, he's not real to me. I have five reasons why any guy or girl who isn't calling you shouldn’t get the time of day.
1. He's/She's not paying attention. If he's texting, it’s a good chance that he's also doing at least a couple other things at the same time. So he's pretty much saying you have yet to warrant his undivided attention.
2. Statements can be easily misinterpreted. I'm sarcastic, anyone who has had one conversation with me knows this. Sarcasm and other emotions don’t translate easily into written word. Something is definitely going to get lost in translation, there will come a time when someone will be totally misunderstood.
3. The natural progression of a conversation doesn't happen via text. You might come close to having a real conversation, but why come close when you could HAVE a real conversation?
4. No one ever ended up in a serious relationship from being textually active. Do not kid yourself, you will not build a lasting relationship with someone you can only talk to through text messages. If your end goal isn't a relationship, keep it up, otherwise you're fighting a loosing battle.
5. Voice to voice conversations are transparent, i.e. they show who is really carrying their weight. If you're a dud you will not be able to hide it for long. This is a God-send, why waste time with someone you're clearly not compatible with. There's someone for everyone, but this is NOT the one for you.
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