When your well runs dry

Everybody always talks about the myth of the 'grass being greener'. And we all know to be wary of stepping over to the other side, just because it looks shiny and sparkly from a distance. We are told by mentors, peers, and friends that this myth has taken many a man (and woman) into its wrath and hung them out to dry. Yet, we still repeat our mistakes and  continue to hear that tired phrase because everyday another person tries it on for size. I'm not sure if humans are just meant to wander  and wonder forever, travel aimlessly into the depths of curiosity, only to return for the age old "I told you so." It seems that we just will never learn.

Take for instance a guy I know. Said guy has been with his girl for many years. They have had some ups and downs but in the end, their love for each other has brought them both through, together. While he has been a good boyfriend, he has had his share of hiccups as has she. But in the end there is no question that this chick he has on his arm is solid. A keeper. A catch. The two are young, and though they have been together for awhile- they both know they have plenty of life ahead of them. She sees her future with him. He remains unsure. While she sees them building a life together, he sees himself pursuing his professional goals somewhat independently and later settling down when the time is right. She knows that they can forge something great together. He's afraid its just too early to tell. Though she's confident he is the one- some big little part of him is still wondering....

We've all met this guy. And I'm trying my darnedest to understand this type. You have a good thing, but you're always hoping for more. Now don't get me wrong- I'm always looking to reach a little higher. That's what drive is all about. Always trying to push yourself closer to greatness. But in my love life, I'm prone to follow my heart. It seems many guys however, let their wandering heads speak much louder. Don't be confused. I don't think people should walk around love-punch drunk, jumping out of airplanes for romance's sake. But I do think that our society is becoming less and less whole because of the demise of  value placed on companionship and commitment. We are always looking for the next best thing. This is fine when you are looking to save money on that new Iphone or invest in stock. But what about investing in those old fashion values of love, commitment, and loyalty?

I think we have become so individualized, we have forgotten how to think collectively. This spans past our romantic encounters into our communities as a whole, but generally we have lost touch with "sticking together". We are all about getting bigger and better toys and thrills, and we often fail to value and treasure the good thing we have right next to us. Its all about learning the hard way. I hear my male friends tell me time and time again about the 'good thing' they had and how she's now gone. I'm starting to wonder if this is just growing pains, or if guys (and gals) need to stop being so damn stupid.

When I was little, they told me that fire was hot. I didn't have to jump in a fire pit to believe them. I saw other people with their fire battle wounds and gleaned that fire was not to be played with. Why is it that we see other's romantic mistakes, especially the ones that involve losing someone special, and yet we still walk into the trap every time? How many times have we heard, "If you've got a good thing, hold on to it." How many mess-ups will it take for these folks to finally listen? This isn't about settling. This isn't about giving up on your dreams, hopes and wishes for the future. This is about recognizing a good thing when you've got it, and holding on for dear life.

I get that we are young and have plenty of time and life ahead of us to recover from any fallacies we encounter as a result of our naivete. But I also think we have plenty of opportunity to build something strong together early. Set the example that our bonds still are strong, that we do value success and that we believe we can still gain success as units, as families, as committed adults working together bonded by character. I'm tired of hearing that guys are young and dumb. There was a time when people regularly made commitments to each other for one reason or another, long before they were 25. They were young. They were a lot of things. Dumb? maybe. But many of them did alright- and some, maybe your parents- or parents parents did quite well. Do I think people should all be jumping the broom quick fast and in a hurry? Absolutely not. This post isn't really even about marriage. Its about the sanctity of commitment whatever form that takes for you and how we have to learn to value the one's who have shown us they are quality. We don't have to bump our heads. We don't have to learn from our mistakes. We can stand up and be adults and value each other for who we are now and not constantly wonder about who is next to come.

I don't want to hear another guy tell me about how the grass really wasn't green on the other side. How he's thirsty for that good old thing that kept him quenched and mostly satisfied. How he would trade it all, just to have that loyalty back. Instead, I'd prefer if they stopped hyping their friend's and start being real all together. Instead of planting seed's of dissension, tell him when he's about to be a fool. Tell him that he's got a good thing and he should hold on tight. Tell him that those other chicks will never do him like she does. Tell him he might get burned (in more ways than one). Just tell him the truth, that learning the hard way is hard as hell. Let him know that his doesn't have to miss his water when the well runs dry. He could keep his happy behind right there and love her and together drink to his hearts desire.