Pick Your Produce

 I have been chewing on the idea for this post for a while, but the first couple times I attempted to write it the words refused to come. I have been thinking about it a lot lately as I venture out in the city and meet new men. Then the other night a conversation with a good friend gave me just the spark I needed.

Recently, a friend of mine told me about a slightly confusing conversation he had with a girl he was once involved with and had since labeled as his 'homie'. The woman wanted to know if there was or would ever be a chance for them to be more. He was baffled by the question assuming the years of physical distance and current nature of their friendship had implied that this was definitely a 'no go'. But this is not the critical part of the story. After divulging the details of their past relationship, he went on to question the nature and status of their friendship post awkward conversation. I immediately asserted that they were not friends and that they probably would not be friends now. He didn't get it, so I explained that he was marked as a fruit in her life, and once marked as such it's nearly impossible to ever become a vegetable. 

Walking the produce section of your favorite grocery store or farmer's market is a lot like meeting new people of the opposite sex.  Fruits and vegetables come in a variety of shapes, sizes and colors. Some will be way more appealing than others, but one important fact remains: No matter what they look like or how they taste, they are all either a vegetable OR a fruit. Our bodies need both to remain healthy and function properly, requiring daily servings of each. Thanks to that cute little food pyramid in health class, I know we all learned this lesson years ago.

As we move closer to whatever goals we have and purpose God has for our lives, our time, energy and efforts become more intently focused. We at least try to make every minute count and every meeting purposeful, which brings me back to the produce section. Stepping into the chilled, brightly colored area of the market is intentional, we know we need fruits and vegetables so we have to get them. The same is true when encountering people of the opposite or same sex (depending on your preference), we know we need lovers AND friends.

The Vegetable:

We have to have vegetables, they are essential to our survival. Friends, like veggies are critical to our sanity. Friends of the opposite sex, (like veggies) are often devalued, but it's impossible to live without them. They will be a spring board for your encounters with those in the 'lovers' category, keeping your expectations realistic. They will definitely keep you grounded and let you know when you are trippin'. No shade to my female friends, but sometimes I just need a break from all the estrogen. In some cases the vegetables can become the best fruit you ever had. The problem with vegetables arise when we want to make them fruits. If everyone is on board with the transition from friends to lovers, then we are good. But if they are not, it usually doesn't end well.


read on to find out about the fruit...


The Fruit:

 The sweet taste of fruit can be deceiving, leading us to think consuming is optional because we actually enjoy it.   The lover, boo thang, significant other, whatever term of endearment you choose is definitely similar to fruit in this way. We all need someone to be the comforting voice on the other end of the phone after a horrible day or the loving embrace to end the perfect day with. For those of us who are dating and not in a relationship, its possible that there is more than one person out there fulfilling these needs. The thing that makes fruit so darn tricky is that they can rarely transform into a vegetable, and you know what happens with fruit that sits too long: it gets soft, mushy and rots. If you are a fruit or classify some lucky guy/girl as a fruit, it's pretty safe to assume that you will always either be a fruit or nothing at all. That's right, I said it- you cannot be a friend AFTER being a lover. It just never works. The sweet and the savory emotions get crossed, and it almost always results in someone getting hurt. 


So how do these fruits and vegetables relate to our dating lives? It's pretty simple, we are all fruits and vegetables. One woman's fruit is another woman's vegetable and the same is true for men. I'm finding that the key to having a low stress dating life and maximizing my fun is to quickly figure out the answer to two questions. 1. Is he going to be a fruit or vegetable in my life? 2. Does he want me to be a lover or a friend? Answering these two questions instantly simplifies the whole dating experience. If you meet someone and you want to put them in the vegetable pile, make that decision, stick to it and let your actions and words dictate that to the newly classified vegetable. The same is true for men/women you want to be fruit. My friend and the girl from my story at the beginning got their produce signals all crossed. They both started out as fruit to each other. They planned to be lovers, but then he decided that they could only be friends. She never got the message. 


There is this guy I've been dealing with for a while now. when we first started talking, (I would say within the first couple weeks) came right out and asked me, "So are you looking for another homeboy or something?" It definitely caught me off guard at first, but then I took a second and answered honestly, "absolutely not, I have enough homeboys to last a lifetime" (and I really do). I've been getting my daily serving of veggies for a while now and it's time to replenish my fruit basket. By quickly identifying what we were both looking for, it has cut down on that friend zone confusion. Although he finds other ways to complicate my life and give me headaches, figuring out where the relationship is going is not on that list. 

I live in the produce section, and if you're single you should too. How will you ever be able to identify who's fruit potential and who's vegetable potential if you don't get out there and see what you like? Happy shopping, I hope you all find your tomato (I'll explain the tomato tomorrow 4/28)!