Miles to Hop BEFORE We Date

For years I have been a serial dater, I meet men I date them and then meet more and date them too. There was no point or end game just me getting to know men that were interested in getting to know me. As you can imagine doing this produces a high turnover rate as every man is not down to be one of many and with some men it just didn't 'click'. Needless to say my ratio of past man friends to boyfriends is significantly skewed to the side of the man friend. Some might see this as a fail but it has served me well...for the most part.

My date many and boyfriend none philosophy allowed me to meet lots of great guys and really get to know them. Am I saying you can't really get to know someone you have intentions of being in a relationship with? No absolutely not. However, what I am saying is that the expectation for or hope of a relationship can really get in the way of developing a relationship. There's a guy that I have been friends with for a couple years at this point, we were introduced by mutual friends and live in different cities. My friend is a great guy and is going to make some woman unbelievably happy one day. Now I would be lying if I said there wasn't a point in our friendship when I really tried to make it me; this wasn't immediate but when it hit me I most definitely made a valiant effort.

We had spent months just talking on the phone really getting to know each other, cracking jokes and just having a great time. Then it hit me. I've got to 'wife' this one! And THAT was the wrong idea. Our frequent conversations went from enjoyable to a drill in tactical maneuvers, and I tried them all. However, he had a few maneuvers of his own and none of them  included falling into my traps. Eventually, I began to feel some type of way about the situation and had to give myself a long hard talk at the mirror. This required me to take off my rose colored glasses, which was a feat because I tend to prefer life in a rosy hue. Back to the story, I thought about all the things that initially made our friendship really jump off and past conversations about his relationship philosophies. Well...none of those things had changed, but I had or so I thought.

The truth is I wasn't so down for a relationship because I really wanted to lock the situation down but rather because traditional time tables told me it was way past due. The funny thing is neither of us were/are conventional when it comes to relationships, so why would I measure the progression of our friendship by conventional methods? Just plain tomfoolery! So I decided to back off, like all the way off and then come back ready to be friends like we used to be. The things that I liked about him haven't changed but my perspective on our relationship has considerably. I recognize the value he adds just as we are and honestly, at this point thats more than enough. Soooo I continue my exploits as a serial dater and look forward to the day when timing meets opportunity in the form of someone fantastic!

- H.G.