because if you dont stand for something....

Disclaimer: If you looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, its an Hword.

We have all heard the stories about the plight of single black women, the perpetually lonely female stereotype, that has become all too familiar in recent years. Every news outlet and relationship guru has taken a crack at trying to figure out just why it is Black females cant seem to catch a break when it comes to love and relationships. Whether you buy into either side of the divide, there has been a third side that hasn't been thoroughly investigated. And while some might see this perspective as pure foolywang (maybe it is), it has come to my attention that I must be silent no more as the tom-eff-ery is at an all time high. So humor me for a bit.

It is spring time and  love is truly in the air. And as I survey the prospects of my inner and outer circles it is apparent that there are some semblances of progress towards restoring Black love. However, experiences of the last few days have led me to believe three facts: Hwords are waging a war. Hwords are winning. Hwords must be stopped.

If you want to know why Black women are having such a hard time getting into substantive relationships, do not blame improved professional and educational trajectories, shortages in eligible bachelors, or rampant disease and devastation. It is not undercover brothers or the gout that's got us losing. Blame Hwords. Yes, I said it. Hwords by design, are straying the market value of integrity, modesty, and dare I say it, self respect. In this new market, smuts and tramps are monopolizing the industry, where rachetness is the only relevant currency. So here I am, trying to buy American assets with Somolian Shillings. What I am selling, few are buying.

I originally made the mistake of thinking that Hwords were the exception to the rule. I thought they were just a relatively minute sect of  degenerates living in their own lawless modern day Sodom and Gommorah. But, Oh contrare. Hwords are everywhere. Hide your kids, Hide your wife. They are in your inner circle. They follow you on twitter. They sit next to you in church. Lawless women who have over estimated the power of their hotladyboxes and decided that they will stay relevant BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. By hook or crook. By hook or crook. Newsflash: being a Hword will not get you a good man or strong relationship. Being an Hword just makes it that much harder for everybody else to get/keep one.

What really burns my biscuits is that Hwords have the audacity to believe that what they do has no impact on anyone other than themselves, which is totally  false. You being a duck effects us all. Everytime you do something slutatious you make it that much harder for the next woman to garner respect from said individual. Everytime you let somebody talk to you like a plum fool, you make it that much harder for the next woman to be taken seriously. This world is all about the quick, fast, and easy. Nobody wants to put in work for anything. If he can have it 'easy' with you, why would he want to work for me? And don't give me that 'men should have  higher standards' bull. Men are lazy, simple creatures of habit. And they will respond to the standards of the environment in which they exist. It is up to us to set those expectations and then live up to it.

Understanding the ripple effect of said sloredom, will help put in perspective the true plight of black women. Hwords are raging genocide on respectable Black men and women with the lust of their loins and ignorance. Hwords are killing the black family. You have been warned.

Untitled.

I hate the term bored. I hate to hear someone say that they are bored. Boredom is idiocy. The dumbest thing to ever come out of a person's mouth is, I'm bored. Nobody likes bored people because bored people are boring. They lack the presumed innate intelligence to make something happen in their lives when the automaticity of life's events encounters a temporary halt. They do not know how to be dynamic and the laws of attraction are necessarily voided by the bored person's inability to bring activity to themselves. Boredom is a self-perpetuating cycle that really only the bored person can break. If you cant make something happen for yourself and instead just sit around talking about how wack things are, you sound dumb...as hell. And while I sat on my couch yesterday, looking around listlessly at my phone, the empty seat next to me, the rerun on the television, my empty refrigerator, I  shocked myself letting out a long melodramatic sigh and before I thinking twice the phrase left my lips.... I'm Bored.

Every once in a while I find myself in one of these funks where I just do'nt feel engaged by anything happening in my life. The triggers for this deluge are many. Sometimes it lasts but a day, a few hours. Other times I can go on for up to a week in my slump. Most often my exit from restlessness takes the form of wanton crackhead-esque cleaning and organizing of all things in my life. And once I feel, 'settled' I am suddenly back to my old self again.

A friend, in an attempt to help me break the stronghold this case of the melancholies had one me, asked a few probing questions. What would make me feel better? A vacation to somewhere exotic, going back to school, a hobby? And then he said the words that nearly sent me reeling... A man? ....A boo? Did. I. need. a. man?

After answering with a quick line to avoid blaming my sad state on singleness alone, I reread the last option he offered nearly twenty times. Had it truly come down to this one factor in my life? Had the grips of boredom finally taken me all the way over to the land of ridiculous? Have I really become the SAD, single, black female?

While I have to admit that I am coming off of a binge of unfulfilling whirl-wind dating, I could not believe that my boredom had totally come down to the fact that I didn't have a man. I mean, how sad does that sound? How stupid is that? But if I dig really deep to think about what it is I am truly missing in my life, I cannot wholly deny that having a companion wouldn't have the potential to make an impact. I mean, who doesn't want someone around that they can hang out with, trust, find comfort, and all that other stuff? I just don't do single well. I know how to do attached. I know how to give it all to someone else. And here lies my damn problem. I love being in Love. And though I can admit to  missing a specific companion at times, the unfortunate love of being in love is an all too familiar sickness to those who sympathize with my present feeling of perpetual stagnation.

So many women, and even a few men suffer from a love of Love. And unfortunately it rarely ends positively. Love of  Love often causes women to get into relationships that don't and wont ever meet their expectations. Love of Love finds men at the butt of jokes while their 'lover' shows off the pics and emoticon riddled texts their current level of b*tchassness facilitates. We give up way to much when we love Love. Loving Love is dismal, dead-end. And like boredom, it just makes us look dumb. As cliche as it sounds, we would all be a lot better off if we could just figure out how to be alone.

Personally, this is an ever-present battle as I am both addicted to love and friendship. I just hate being by myself. I've lived most of my life as an only child, and while it would seem natural to enjoy solitude, only in recent months have a learned to 'psuedo' be alone. In reality, Ive never really let myself be TOTALLY by myself. If I don't have a date, I'm hanging or talking with a friend. However, I recognize that learning to be by myself is critical to finally encountering and maintaining my best self. Like seriously, if you don't even want to be with yourself, who else will? If you cant stand you for more than a few hours, how do you expect to be with someone for a few months, years, or even forever? I suppose most of the answer to this problem lies in me being a big little girl and just getting it the hell together.

Some people have a problem initiating but throwing  myself into something and someone new has become my worst enemy. I'm standing in the mirror, trying desperately to figure out how to just deal with plain old me for a change, and I'm bored to tears.

Relationship Test

Once a year we are given a unique opportunity to learn valuable lessons about the relationships we have built during the previous year. Yes there are other opportunities but I'm only focusing on the one that comes every year without fail. Every year on my birthday I learn who is really down for the Holly G. cause. It's really simple, the people who love you, the people who want the best for you, the people you SHOULD consider your team will always, always show up for you. Now life gets crazy so they may not physically be there but if they're really down for team YOU there presence will most definitely be felt.

Some may say, 'Why, birthdays shouldn't your team always be there'? Well of course. However, the truth is on a day to day we only need ourselves and God to make it happen. Your support system is there to get you through the rough patches, to remind you you can do it, that how they got the support system title. I honestly believe it is easier to find a rider when you're going through a rough patch- everyone wants to be someone's everything/savior/captain save a hoe. How many people will be there when everything is just fine, just to celebrate you? The realest of real will show up when its all about you, to make sure that it is in fact ALL ABOUT YOU (at least for that day). They will smile and laugh, bite their tongues when you get to drunk and start cursing everyone out or to make you forget about all the people proved they were not down for team you.

This level of love and friendship requires more than a kind word, it requires an unselfish heart and a little thoughtful dedication. When I think back to the past few birthdays there are some consistent figures that have made it truly special whether they were sitting right next to me while I blew out the candles or sent their love and positive vibes from hundreds of miles away. This observation has also urged me to call some relationships into question and make the necessary adjustments. At this point in our lives we do not have time to carry dead weight. The next time you blow those candles out take a little inventory.

 Just a little something for my team!