Pick your Battles, Win the war

The inability to stay in one's lane has caused many a hardship in the world of life, love, and relationships. We all know that one guy with the distorted self-image, who thinks he can holla at and bag anything with legs, fully clad in his Girbauds velcro jeans and all.   Fat chicks in leggings-- Stay in your lane. Snatch-back ponytails?- Girl stop. And an ultimate favorite,: always trying to be super deep via twitter or facebook without so much as a middle schoolers grasp on the mechanics of the King's English? Here are 10 seats. Please have one.

It's important for all of us to know our calling and for us to be self- reflective and critical enough to know when we are just in over our heads, or worse, in the wrong game all together. This is especially true in our relationships, but maybe not for the reasons we might initially assume.

For me, relationships have sort of been like a competition. And I only get to win if I have the least number of transgressions between the two of us. Call it silly, but that's the main motivating factor for keeping me on the straight and narrow when it comes to indiscretions.I want to win. The only way I win is not by being perfect, its just by being less trifling than you.

The old adage remains true: Cheaters Never Win.

Good guys should never cheat and the reason is quite simple actually; she will never see you the same way again. And if you really are a good guy, its just not worth it. With the risk of totally oversimplifying the truth about relationships, Im going to go out on a limb and say you can get away with a lot of stuff with women who love you. Show up late, forget a holiday, embarrass her (once) in front of her family, but just don't cheat and the content of your character may be salvageable. Just stay in your lane of overall goodness.

Now for the the Run-of-the-mill assholes out there,  feel free to play your role. It's okay for you to have a tarnished image, with several scrapes, scratches or even oozing gashes and infected sores, because well, that's your steelo. That's what you do. We shouldn't expect much more from you. The Good Guy must learn to stay in his lane and let you do your thing if he wants to come out on top.

What's most unfortunate about good men who make the cheater mistake, is that they run the risk of being wholly defined by a single bad choice. And not just to the girl. There is a whole circle of people with a false understanding of who u are- because you didn't stay in your lane. Her friends, maybe some of your friends, family, people who don't know you on Facebook when she goes on that month long rampage of updates of self help quotes. God forbid  the new chicks you want a shot at next finds out. You can say you don't care, but nobody wants to be that guy.

Its not even really about not hurting the girl, its about winning the war.

For me, not cheating isn't  really about the other person. And at the risk of sounding totally cheesy, I'm going to say: when you cheat, you cheat yourself out of the game. You forfeit. Even if you don't like it, it is possible that you will be forever defined by a singular act that in the scheme of things has no real significance other than indicating your true humanity, -that you can and will make mistakes.

The problem is that, since we are all humans our ability to think with that sense of logic and perspective as emotional victims becomes nearly impossible. Our humanity is necessarily defined by our abilities to be emotional. Simply put, when we are mad, we just cant think straight. So the logic that would suggest this person is not all bad because of one bad act is futile. Our emotions only allow us to see red when we have been betrayed- and thinking rationally is the last of our worries.

As much as I want to remember how good of a guy all of your other actions have shown you to be, I'm pissed. F-word thinking rationally. F-word seeing the big picture. I am in survival mode and it dictates that I protect myself  first, by attempting to define the problem, and second by distancing myself from it.  You picked the battle that by nature you are not set up to win. And you lost miserably.

The end point I really want to drive home is that nobody is asking the Good Guy to be perfect. If you play the game like I do, you really only have to be just one milli-meter less paltry than myself. But don't let my candid tone fool you- your name is nothing to play around with. The cheating game is one of character defining proportions. All you have is the sum of your character attached to your good name. If you want to finish first, Good Guy, you do have to decide who it is you want to be. Stay in your damn lane and know what your name is worth. Pick you battles wisely and you just might win the war.