Thoughts Before a Quarter Century

It's that time, all my friends and college classmates are turning 25. Every week I get a new email or text about birthday festivities and travel plans. My own 25th birthday is just a few days away and while I am very excited about the weekend's festivities and foolywang I must confess I have been having quite sobering thoughts.

As a child I remember thinking about what 25 was going to look and I will confess, the 25 of my childhood dreams looked absolutely nothing like this. I just knew I would be engaged to some great guy, finishing up medical school (yes, I was going to be a doctor once upon a childhood) and everything would be close to perfect. After all I was going to be an adult and life is really easy and cookie cutter like as an adult. Sike. The truth is I am a far cry from all of those things, especially the everything being close to perfect part.

At almost 25 my life is complicated and full of uncertainty. I find myself single, unemployed and back home with mom. What a way to start the next quarter century, huh? I'm not having a pity party, I am merely acknowledging the major facts. These major facts have lead my to a major conclusion that I will use to govern my life for at least the next quarter century. Life doesn't always follow the plans we make. I know is seems really simple but I think we take this small nugget of truth for granted more often than not.

This time last year I had a high stress job that left little time for a personal life while I lived in Orlando, but it was a job I loved 80 percent of the time so it was totally cool. This year, I have a thriving personal life and while my relationship status is unchanged I'm actually dating someone pretty great. The economy snatched my high stress job away, and that was a tough pill to swallow, but pill swallowed. Life goes on.

Through it all there are a few things that have been steadfast. I have a wonderful and supportive family, amazing friends and unshakable faith. These are the factors that have kept me stable when everything in me was wanting to fall apart. Life doesn't always follow the plans we make, but that's not our problem, life is doing what it's supposed to do- make us better. We have to do our part and keep planning, be ready to readjust and enjoy the ride.

REPOST: Valentine's Day: The Love(r's) Holiday

This was the first post we ever published on the blog and since we're in the last few days leading up to the holiday I thought it was only fitting to repost it. Keep the faith and have a fantastic weekend/holiday!

As yet another Valentine’s Day has come and gone; I have been able to draw one simple but very important conclusion, I might even venture to call this conclusion life changing. Before I change your life, I have to give you a little back story; at the age of 23 I have never had a romantic Valentine. In my younger years I wore black on what I believed to be a cursed holiday for me. I was so hung up on the fact that I didn’t have that special man friend to share “the most romantic day of the year” with that I missed out on all the possibilities. I did not allow this same pattern to follow me into my college years and beyond. For at least the past six years I have been following the mantra of the ever so popular Real World New Orleans cast member Julie, “You don’t have to be in love on Valentines Day, you just have to have love”. Julie got the big picture, unlike me in years past and some friends and peers currently.

While anyone who is special to me will tell you, I tell them how much I love and appreciate them way too much, Valentines Day provides each of us with the opportunity to celebrate all the love we have rather than that small bit of love we think we're missing. Now I won’t play like I wouldn’t love to have a special guy to spend V-day with, but not having said special guy is not going to ruin my life or even February 14th. Every year I embrace all the love I'm blessed to have in my life by making sure to have a wonderful day with one of the many special people in my life, and it is always a memorable event. In the past six years I’ve cooked dinner had movie night with my mother and little sister, seen a play with good friends, played Valentine to a friend dealing with a difficult break up and spent the evening with a very special “Fall Boo”. None of these activities had any romantic undertones, but were excellent experiences nonetheless.

Ladies and gentleman, if you spent Valentine’s Day 2010 alone or called yourself boycotting or sad under a rock…shake it off! You have an entire year to get on the" give love when not IN love bandwagon". We reap what we sow, if we want to feel loved and receive love we must first learn to spread a little. You won't find me on my lily pad watching life and love pass me by; I'm in the game and enjoying almost every minute!

Monkey in the Middle

 Monkey in the Middle was by far one of my least favorite childhood games. I'm short and I've always been short so there was never a favorable outcome for me. I would jump and jump but was never quite able to grab the ball as it went back and forth over my head, evading my fingertips a little more with every pass. By the end I would be exhausted and totally over it, ready for a freeze pop and a nap. Lately, I get the feeling I'm in an adult version of Monkey in the Middle with giants throwing the ball back and forth. The two giants are very familiar and we definitely have a love-hate relationship. The giant on my left is my family, they're demanding but give as good as they get. The other giant is work, a crazy beast that demands plenty of my time and energy while only yielding sporatic returns in the grand scheme of things. And then there's the ball, that precious little ball that still alludes my fingertips. The ball is my shrinking personal life and "me" time. I see said personal life go back and forth between my family and my career wishing I could grab it and never share it again. Is anyone else caught in this real life game of Monkey in the Middle? 

As children we are taught that being selfish is wrong. In fact, if word got out that you were the selfish kid you could almost immediately see a decline in play date and birthday party invitations, and who in the WORLD wanted that? No one, so we all put on a brave front and learned to share our favorite toys and covetted snacks to avoid excommunication. However, the older I get the more I begin to think that this rule is slightly antiquated when we hit young adulthood. If there was ever a time to embrace a selfish attitude, the twenties are definitely it. Side Note: This whole theory is null and void if you are the following: a parent, a spouse, a soon-to-be spouse or long term bf/gf, the selfish ship has indeed sailed for you and you have yourself to thank for pulling up the anchor. If none of those titles apply to you, welcome to the World of Selfish!

The twenties (post college especially) is the perfect time for such behavior because of all the obvious reasons, no children, disposeable income, independence from parents, youth and hopefully good looks! I think that we have all been over programmed, especially women, to the don't be selfish station and it's really time to change the channel. On numerous occasions I've fallen in the trap of putting everyone and everything before me resulting in my feeling like the monkey in the middle, with no way to escape. It would be much easier to say no and put myself first if I was super tight with my family and if they hadn't done everything in their power to ensure my successful transition into adulthood, but I am and they did. Work on the other hand...we both need each other and only like each other from time to time. What can I though? You don't work, you don't eat.

Is there a solution? Yeah...balance is HIGHLY overrated. People keep telling me how young I am and that there is plenty of time so I'll apply that here. Balance is highly overrated at this juncture in life. Unfortunately, when we have great people in our lives (family, friends, significant others) and a job that's taking you places keep playing the game, keep jumping for the magic ball of personal time. Every once in a while the giants throwing the ball back and forth will get worn out and you'll have the perfect opportunity to grab the ball. Good luck in your games of Monkey in the Middle...we ALL need it!

Pick your Battles, Win the war

The inability to stay in one's lane has caused many a hardship in the world of life, love, and relationships. We all know that one guy with the distorted self-image, who thinks he can holla at and bag anything with legs, fully clad in his Girbauds velcro jeans and all.   Fat chicks in leggings-- Stay in your lane. Snatch-back ponytails?- Girl stop. And an ultimate favorite,: always trying to be super deep via twitter or facebook without so much as a middle schoolers grasp on the mechanics of the King's English? Here are 10 seats. Please have one.

It's important for all of us to know our calling and for us to be self- reflective and critical enough to know when we are just in over our heads, or worse, in the wrong game all together. This is especially true in our relationships, but maybe not for the reasons we might initially assume.

For me, relationships have sort of been like a competition. And I only get to win if I have the least number of transgressions between the two of us. Call it silly, but that's the main motivating factor for keeping me on the straight and narrow when it comes to indiscretions.I want to win. The only way I win is not by being perfect, its just by being less trifling than you.

The old adage remains true: Cheaters Never Win.