Where would I be without you?

So over the past couple months of writing for KFdiaries, I've learned a lot about myself and am starting to feel like a real blogger. Thanks to the support of great friends and even people we have never met, Kissing Frogs has flourished and we are happy to share our lives, thoughts, and yearnings with you on a daily basis. What we should clarify is that everything we write on here is not always indicative of actual events happening at the exact moment in our lives. Most things are thoughts we've had for awhile and have toiled over for at least a few days to a few weeks before posting. Sometimes they are things that we have actually experienced but most are just thoughts and criticism on the world as we see it and how we think its being dished to our peers. Sometimes a little more anonymity might help our readers see our comments for what they are instead of attaching it to what (they think) might actually be happening in our lives at the moment. Contrary to the title, this isn't a diary at all. This is just us, telling it how we see it, not putting our innermost secrets out for public consumption but making a little social commentary with our special twist. But this post. Oh this post is very much about some foolywang I, MYSELF(forgive the redundancy), experienced in the streets of Oakland only a couple days ago. This post comes deep from the core of my spirit. I'm about to tell it all- we're going LIVE and I'm about to give it to you as close to real-time as it gets.

Now, you should know, if you know nothing else about Oakland California, that it is quite possibly the strangest place in America. I say this for a number of reasons. For starters the diversity is deceptive. Not so much to others, but to its inhabitants. Its not that we have so many different kinds of people, but more that cultural lines are so incredibly blurred, Bay people tend to be a breed all of their own. We think a lot of things are socially acceptable, that wouldn't fly in any other part of the world. (i.e. We made 'going dumb', make sense. I rest my case.) This understanding of the deceptive nature of urban Bay culture is literally the only way I can try to understand what I saw on one of my rare weekend social outtings.

Read on for the rest.....

Driving down Broadway, minding my own business, it emerged in my peripheral. Catch the mental picture: Pirate style boots, see-through lace tights, PANTIES, white tee. Did you hear me? Pirate boots, SHEER lace tights, DRAWERS, and a white tee. This beezo was strutted down Broadway, no doubt on the way to Sweet's Ballroom (terrible Oakland trash club), with panty hose, bloomers, and a white tee on. And to make matters worse, she had a twin. That's right people. Some other perfectly sane person, not only co-signed on this foolishness, they ALSO thought to themselves, "Hey- I'm finna, (excuse the grammar because there is no other way to put it) I'm FINNA. put on these see-through tights girl over these panties and WE FINNA kill 'em." Is that so- my little Oakland banchie? Is that so....

Well I've got news for you, Puss-in-Boots. Before I got totally irate at her audacity, I had to take a moment to understand where she is coming from. My initial reaction was to say, "WTF little girl, are you kidding me? Kill yourself- come back to life - and kill yourself again." This isn't so much for the fashion faux pas she was committing (although that alone could be a perfectly justifiable reason for suicide- I mean seriously, maybe you didn't hear me- pirate boots, see-through lace tights, her knickers, and a white tee!) But I'm more blown by the expectations these two young ladies must have had for the nights events and the attention this outfit might garner. I'm trying to understand the conversation that occurred before they left the house. Ill take a wild guess and say it went something like this: (stream of consciousness)

Girl 1: Wow, I really love that little cat from Shrek. He stay being fly in them boots. But we can't go out buck naked. Sheeet we ain't no Ho's (girl 2: naw girl) Girl!, we could put on these lace tights I found 2 for 1 at Rainbow and these crush velvet mystery fabric boots from Citi Trends (where you go to shop for less when you want to impress, according to their radio commercials). Put some panties on,cus they like cover our whole booty anyway and this FLY White tee. Girl can't nobody tell us NOTHING! Girl 1 and 2: We FINNA KILL EM!

You know what Puss(ies)-in-Boots, you're absolutely right. You killed alright. There is nothing I can say to you because we're not even speaking the same languages. I mean pardon me, for thinking I looked good, and dare I say, sexy, fully clothed and in my right mind. The only reason I could be mad at you would be because you were bringing down my stock. But after talking it over with someone (oh, yes- your pantyclad- lace tights a** was that noteworthy) I learned that you serve a purpose in my life I could not have before realized with out witnessing the monstrosity that is you. I can't be mad at you, because (hopefully) you're going to attract all the guys I didn't want to talk to in the first place. So I have to say to you, Puss-in-Boots, Well done, Bravo, Thank you! Thank you for doing you, how only you know how to do. Way to pull out all the stops. As a matter of fact don't go inside the famous Sweets ballroom alone. Stand outside and attract all the foolywang away from the establishment I'm going to, so I don't have to wince in pain when he comes asking me, "Baby girl, cah hav yo numba?" Each one, teach one. Sharing is caring. Ain't no fun if the homies can't have none. Whatever it is that helps you sleep at night- know that you are serving a greater purpose in this world and that ripper fashion will never be the same because of your audacious spirit.

Contrary to popular belief my world is a much better place because of trollops like yourselves. You're like a secret shopper- you're making sure that when I go out, the people I interact with have been fully vetted by your quality standards. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm not going to get all deep about representations of black women and hypersexualization. No, your contributions to society are immeasurable, Puss-in-boots. Go forth and truly prosper.